Archive for December, 2009

Getting in shape…….REALLY?

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

As the New Year approaches, and we finish up the holidays, many of us turn to the mirror and the scales with disastrous results, or so we think.  In case you are pondering a strict exercise regimen to begin 2010, take a few minutes to read this hilarious piece which a good friend of mine sent to me years ago.  I have passed it along to many, and then it occurred to me that I could post it!  Yay!  There may be a word of two which is not used in polite, refined circles, but in this case, they seem to fit the occasion.  Enjoy and laugh!

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my 60th birthday this year, my daughter Rachel (the dear)
purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for
me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school
football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea
to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer
named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 -year-old aerobics
instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter
seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged
me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was
well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda
waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess – with blond
hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave
me a tour and showed me the machines.

I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics
class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging
as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding
it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put
weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
made the full mile.

Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!!
It’s a whole new life for me.

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have
a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered
other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the
morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY
annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put
me on the stair ‘monster’. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine
to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told
me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.
She said some other shit too.

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help
being a half an hour late. It took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking,

I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as

punishment, she put me on the rowing machine – which I sank.

I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated
any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny,
anemic, anorexic little cheerleader! If there was a part of my body I
could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps!
And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the Damn
barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill
flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why
couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the
choir director?

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,
$#&^%; shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing
her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked
the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching 11
straight hours of the Weather Channel.

I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go
and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year

my daughter Rachel (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that
is fun like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had
wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with

I wish this for all of you!

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

Nearly Christmas, and with the rushing around, the preparations, etc., it is easy to forget that what I think we all want for one another is something we cannot buy.  This year, I created a special Santa for Reasons to Believe.  I am posting the link here, so that you can go to that image and see what it is that I wish for all of you!  May all of you have a quiet, meaningful holiday, and may you have the good health to enjoy it all!



Can you see him?

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

It’s Saturday morning, here in Virginia Beach, and we are feeling strong effects from the raging coastal storm which is dumping snow even thirty minutes west of us.  So close to the ocean, we are warm enough that we won’t have snow until this evening – rats!  The tides are running about three feet above normal, and when I looked out my back door this morning, I saw one of the many beautiful water birds waiting patiently for some minnows.   We have egrets nesting behind our house, and they inhabit our wetlands throughout the year.  Great flocks of Canada geese can be heard, particularly in the evening, and we have wonderful raptors – a bald eagle, several harriers, red-tailed hawks, and the occasional falcon.  I’ve blogged about my little masked friends before – plenty of raccoons in the evening, and then during the daytime -songbirds, squirrels, and a gray fox or two. If you look closely, you can see a squirrel sitting on the tree stump this morning.  I put food out there each day, along with filling feeders and laying a spread of goodies on a wooden plank on the other side of the fence.  The night feeders come to the plank, AND to my kitchen window!  Just too much fun!  If you are a Nature lover, my backyard is Heaven!

This morning’s visitor is fully grown, so I would estimate his size at close to three feet tall, with a magnificent wingspread!  I wish I were a camera-savvy person, so that I could capture one in flight as it takes off from the marsh.  I guess we’ll have to leave that for the National Geographic channel!

Hope where you are you are safe, warm, and content!  Winter has arrived here!

What a beautiful Christmas gift!

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

I don’t know how many of you are familiar with The Innocence Project, and with what the work involves.  Essentially, this group was founded in 1992 to exonerate wrongfully accused individuals through DNA testing and reforming public policy.  This  story was on my homepage this afternoon.  What a wonderful read!  How many of us could survive 35 years of imprisonment and depart incarceration with an open heart!  Please read, and also look for a link to The Innocence Project on my blog roll under Places you should know about.

I wouldn’t be true to myself if…….

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

I wouldn’t be true to myself, and to my son, if I didn’t post something about show biz and upcoming awards for film.  If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know about my son, Matthew, and his fiancee, Joan, and their careers in Hollywood in the film industry.  Well, critics and award nomination associations are beginning the annual rites for the season, and this morning, the Golden Globes announced their offerings.  Follow the link and catch up on all the buzz!  Enjoy!  And, there’s George Clooney!!!!!!!!!!!!    Yay!

Spooky Time Jingles update tonight!

Saturday, December 12th, 2009

We are getting ever closer to the update for Spooky Time Jingles!  Tonight, around midnight Eastern time, you can see what our artists have created for our last update of the year!  Oh boy!  I can only imagine!  So many treats!  Just hours away!  Here’s a peek at a few of the pieces I will have available when the clock strikes midnight………

sculpted clay chocolate snowflake ornaments!

and…………how about a wonderful Santa, with glittery snowflakes!

and……….how about a little  glittery sweatered snowman ?

see you around midnight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   :-)

December pfatt update is almost here!

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

Hold onto your jingle bells!  The update for pfattmarketplace is nearly here!  Yeow!  Loads of holiday goodies to delight your eyes!  Here’s a little teaser from me – just a tiny view of what I will have when we update around midnight Pacific time tonight!


See you tonight!


Tuesday, December 8th, 2009

Wowee!  All of you stj followers, all of you Christmas lovers, all of you who are collectors – well, let’s face it!  ALL of you will love this!  The artists from Spooky Time Jingles have combined their talents to create a holiday treat beyond compare!  We have made special ornaments which adorn a six-foot tree!  We have a tree topper and skirt,  dozens of ornaments, and enough to dazzle anyone!  Follow this link and bid on ebay for this once in a lifetime opportunity to have so much talent right in your own home!  Yeah!


Twelve Days of Christmas

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

OK – so the Twelve Days of Christmas are actually after Christmas to Epiphany on January 6th, but we at Spookytime Jingles are counting forward from December 1st !  Check out this site and take a look at the wonderful ornaments offered each and every day as a run up to our update on December 13th!  Yeow!  Lots of goodies to buy!  See you there!