Archive for the ‘just plain funny!’ Category

They did it!

Monday, February 6th, 2012

My wonderful friends, the Friedman brothers, did it!  They made their Super Bowl ad for Doritos, placed in the top five for over 6100 entries, and through nationwide voting, theirs aired last night during the second quarter of the game.  The USAToday ad meter totaled votes, and Doritos awarded Jonathan $1,000,000 late last night!  Man’s Best Friend!  What a great ad, and what a story!  The guys spent $20, shot it in the yard and in their kitchen, and used Huff, the Great Dane, who belongs to family friends.  The rest, as they say, really IS history!  And, Jonathan is being booked on the Tonight Show!  I’ll let you know when!

Getting in shape…….REALLY?

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

As the New Year approaches, and we finish up the holidays, many of us turn to the mirror and the scales with disastrous results, or so we think.  In case you are pondering a strict exercise regimen to begin 2010, take a few minutes to read this hilarious piece which a good friend of mine sent to me years ago.  I have passed it along to many, and then it occurred to me that I could post it!  Yay!  There may be a word of two which is not used in polite, refined circles, but in this case, they seem to fit the occasion.  Enjoy and laugh!

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my 60th birthday this year, my daughter Rachel (the dear)
purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for
me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school
football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea
to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer
named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 -year-old aerobics
instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter
seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged
me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was
well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda
waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess – with blond
hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave
me a tour and showed me the machines.

I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics
class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging
as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding
it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC
week-!!

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put
weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
made the full mile.

Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!!
It’s a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have
a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered
other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the
morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY
annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put
me on the stair ‘monster’. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine
to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told
me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.
She said some other shit too.

THURSDAY :
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help
being a half an hour late. It took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking,

I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as

punishment, she put me on the rowing machine – which I sank.

FRIDAY :
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated
any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny,
anemic, anorexic little cheerleader! If there was a part of my body I
could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps!
And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the Damn
barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill
flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why
couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the
choir director?

SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,
$#&^%; shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing
her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked
the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching 11
straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go
and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year

my daughter Rachel (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that
is fun like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had
wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with
diamonds!!!

Oh, what a health club!

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

>A friend of mine sent this to me today.  I have laughed myself sick over it.

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is
> something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who
> ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
>
> Dear Diary,
> For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased
> a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
>
> Although I am still in great shape since being a high
> school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would
> be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
>
> I called the club and made my reservations with a personal
> trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a
> 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic
> clothing and swim wear.
>
> My daughter
> seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
> encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
> ________________________________
> MONDAY:
> Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but
> found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club
> to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek
> goddess – with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling
> white smile. Woo Hoo!!
>
> Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I
> enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her
> aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
>
> Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my
> gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she
> was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
> ________________________________
> TUESDAY:
> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out
> the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy
> iron bar into the air then she
> put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
> treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding
> smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It’s a
> whole new life for me.
> _______________________________
> WEDNESDAY:
> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the
> toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth
> over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.
> Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop.
> I parked on top of a Nissan in the club parking lot.
>
> Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams
> bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky
> for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets
> this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
>
>
> My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put
> me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a
> machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by
> elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and
> enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
>
> _______________________________
> THURSDAY:
> Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth
> exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full
> snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late – it
> took me that long to tie my shoes.
>
> Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was
> not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another
> skinny bitch to find me.
>
> Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine –
> which I sank.
> _________ _ _____________________
> FRIDAY:
> I hate that bitch Belinda more
> than any human being has ever hated any other human being
> in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic,
> anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body
> I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with
> it.
>
> Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have
> any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor,
> don’t hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs
> more than a sandwich.
>
> The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and
> nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone
> softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
>
> ________________________________
> SATURDAY:
> Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her
> grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up
> today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the
> machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to
> even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight
> hours of the Weather
> Channel.
>
> ________________________________
> SUNDAY:
> I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today
> so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will
> also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will
> choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a
> hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over,
> he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!